Winner Jo Harrison divulges trade secrets exclusively to Talking Bull
After every Hereford home game, there is an excited little gaggle at the reception desk as the 50/50 winners receive their impressively large cheques. Warm hearted fans offer congratulations, others pass by muttering “I could have been a contender” or a similar not-in-front-of-the-children sentiment. There is a third way. Win it yourself. Like I did.
Do ignore cynical, cursing fanzine co-editors complaining about “six out again…” and follow my simple steps. Your own “I’m better off” grin can be captured in the pages of the Herefords programme.
Simple steps but a lot of them initially. Park at the very back of Merton Meadow. As in over the bridge and drive to the back. You want to be a winner? This is how you do it. When you’re waving your cheque to all and sundry, a longer walk is so much more fun. That’s your lap of honour. If your kids are whingeing, explain you’ll buy them a new smartphone after the game. You can afford it now.
Next, you must track down Jeremy. It is known that Jeremy sells the big winners. Other 50/50 sellers are available but lack the smell of money. Spotting said vendor is not hard. He will find you with radar-guided accuracy. You must buy 4 tickets. No cheapskating. Four is the magic number. What’s £4 if you’re going to land lots more? Cough up, smile and say “Jeremy, you are wonderful.” Your bestest seller, who would clock up 20,000 matchday steps on his app per game if only he believed in technology. deserves credit. More importantly, he has winners magic in his fingers so that’s why you must get Jeremy on board. Don’t do an Ian Long and overdo it, stick to the script.
Next, find Uncle Rob, provider of advice to the stars. He’s be enacting Zebedee impressions outside the main stand. Find him and give him a hug. Just do it. A man hug will suffice if of a delicate nature. Uncle Rob understands that’s what winners do and sweaty fans getting up close and personal is a natural extension to his agony uncle role.
Now get inside the Street because there is one more step needed. Something weird happens to the 50/50 draw if Hereford don’t win or score. Alarmingly, anybody can then win the big bucks. But these events are outside your control so press on. Yes, literally. If you’re sitting, raise your leg and press the sole of your shoe against the back of the seat in front. Don’t let me down now. Your fellow supporter will understand, particularly if you hand over a percentage of your winnings up front.
For terrace dwellers, it may be a challenge to get your foot up to the crossbar section of the crush barrier and yes, trousers may split. Are you bothered? Buy a dozen pairs the next day.
Foot raised, its job done. Just 45 minutes to go before your number is up at half time. If you’ve followed my guide, just count that cash …. and don’t forget who shared the winning secrets with you. Mine’s a treble Malibu…
It’ll be interesting to see how Jo gets on during the lockdown, and with the summer ahead of us, we wonder if she will be a winner in the weekly Close Season ONLINE Draw!